Not Everyone’s Cup Of Tea

To be yourself or not to be yourself—that is the question.

Nothing brings a Taurus back to life like some petty drama, and this stubborn AF earth sign is no different. I’m fully aware that not everyone likes me. I’m also not under any delusion that the content I post on the internet will be accepted by all. I know people have a lot of opinions, and my posts, in particular, invite all kinds of criticism.

However, most of the time, people keep their negative thoughts to themselves rather than sharing them with me. That all changed recently when my blog affected a potential job opportunity. I had just completed my second interview, and everything seemed to be moving in a positive direction. The prospective employer—let’s call her Susan—contacted my reference, who apparently gave a glowing review. I was more than qualified for the position and fairly confident I was going to get an offer. That was until Susan texted me the morning after my final interview, requesting a phone call.

I went into the call feeling fairly confident, convinced she was going to offer me the position based on the positive connection and overall good vibes I got from her.

Boy, could I have been more wrong. She started the call by saying how comfortable she had felt with me during the interviews and how she had been planning to offer me the job—until she googled me.

Let me preface by saying that I have nothing to hide, nor am I ashamed or embarrassed by my life experiences that I share with the world. However, I knew immediately what she was referring to…my blasphemous blog and scandalous social media account! She emphasized that she wasn’t judging me (sure, Jan), and mentioned that many people in her family struggle with addiction, but she didn’t think I would be a good fit for the role based on my internet presence. She was also concerned that my history of mental health struggles would prevent me from performing my best work and might lead to frequent absences. Talk about stigmatization! The final kicker was her issue with my Instagram, particularly my 'strange' Halloween mocktail reels.

This woman dug DEEP into my work. But hey, any engagement is good engagement in my book!

I was so taken aback that I started to tear up on the phone. My voice cracked, but I was determined not to let this stranger, who has no personal impact on my life, see me cry. She ended the call by saying she hoped the conversation wouldn’t change my feelings toward her or my interest in the job.

She said she needed to take the night to make a final decision and would let me know the following day. No part of me wanted the job after that phone call, and my old, reactive self wanted to tell her to fuck off —before she had the chance to reject me herself. However, I took a beat since the masochistic part of me wanted to see how this would play out.

I won’t keep you in suspense: I didn’t get the job. While this was expected after the phone call, and it would have made for an incredibly uncomfortable working environment anyway, this rejection took me out for the entire weekend.

I’ve been rejected and overlooked for countless jobs in the past and was never really affected by it, but for some reason, this interaction hit me to my core. I think it’s because who I am as a person was being dissected and torn apart. Even though a stranger’s opinion shouldn’t affect me, and I’m sure it’s more of a her problem than a me problem, I couldn’t help but feel completely exposed. This caused me to start unraveling, thinking about how everyone else might perceive me. Did I share too much? Was it a terrible choice to start this blog? And the worst question of all... was she right?

 Now, some of you may be thinking, "Well, duh. You put yourself out there to be judged. Why are you surprised?" And I would have to wholeheartedly agree with you. If I want to continue writing, I need to be open to criticism and disapproval. It’s a part of the package.

I allowed myself to feel all the emotions of rejection and inadequacy for a few days, but was eventually able to move on with a bit of empathy and an understanding of where this woman was coming from. Before I got sober, I, embarrassingly, might have had similar thoughts about hiring someone with a history of substance abuse. Thankfully, over the past two years, I’ve learned that addiction does not discriminate and that anyone from any walk of life can be affected. Healing from my past has given me insight and made me a better person, which, in turn, has made me a better employee. While I can’t judge her for her lack of social awareness, I can fault her for her tactlessness. I will never understand the cruelty of calling me under the guise of hiring, only to make me explain myself while simultaneously shaming me for my past. Not very mindful or demure, to say the least.

But like everything in life, it was an important life lesson. Kill me. It reinforced the fact that not everyone is going to like or agree with my life choices, and that’s OK. At the end of the day, I only want to attract people in my life who accept me and my authentic self. Since hindsight is 20/20, I can now say with absolute certainty that the entire exchange was a blessing in disguise.