The Paradoxical Curse Of Perfectionism
From the outside, you probably wouldn't suspect I struggle with perfectionism. I'm messy, a bit disorganized, and get anxious when I arrive early to events. I've never ironed my jeans (which I consider a win), don't bother with color-coordinated calendars, and rarely unpack the moment I return from trips. Yet, I constantly second-guess myself, often doubt my decisions, and procrastinate out of fear of falling short of my self-imposed standards. In simpler terms, I avoid mistakes out of fear of failure.
I used to attribute this to laziness or lack of interest in difficult tasks. While there may still be some truth to that, I've come to realize I also suffer an all-or-nothing mentality. If I can't maintain or excel upon my previous attempts, I tend to believe it's not worth pursuing at all. This mindset has trapped me in a toxic cycle of self-criticism, leaving me feeling uncomfortably stuck. It's crazy and (quite absurd) to acknowledge that my own damn mind is the main barrier to achieving my goals. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: the brain is one powerful motherfucker.
When I initially set out to write on this topic, I thought it was a revolutionary development on my part. However, a quick Google search would reveal it to be a widely discussed issue that affects people from all walks of life.
Contrary to popular belief, scientific data reports that perfectionists generally perform worse than their counterparts. I can attest from firsthand experience that perfectionists tend to procrastinate more, avoid difficult tasks, and follow their inner critic’s judgmental voice.
In hindsight, this makes a lot of sense. Those unafraid of failure try new things, regardless of initial skill, until they master it. Unless you are a child prodigy or a nepo baby, success requires you to hone your craft through hard work. If you don’t give yourself the opportunity to fail, you’ll end up on your deathbed wondering what could have been. This depressing visual is a front row seat into my dark and twisted nightmares…amongst other things.
This blog is a perfect example of my perfectionism at play. I put so much time and energy into making the best blog possible, while also investing equal thought into the validation of others. Because of this, it keeps me from writing and creating due to the mental gymnastics that play out in my head. I truly believe that if my current blog is not as good as my previous one, then it’s automatically a colossal failure. By understanding how my brain works, it helps me know what I need to correct in order to overcome this self-sabotage thinking. This doesn’t come naturally to me by any means of the imagination and requires A LOT of unlearning surrounding self-doubt— my biggest struggle at the moment. Ironically enough, the only way to overcome this obstacle is to try new and scary things in order to prove to yourself that you will survive it, even if, GOD FORBID, you make a mistake. I introduce to you AFGO: Another Fucking Growth Opportunity.
Perfectionism doesn’t only stifle creativity, it castrates it. Pardon the visual. If you are afraid to fail and receive criticism, you will never grow as a person or improve your craft. Thankfully, for me, the thought of not achieving my potential is far more terrifying than writing this blog, public speaking or setting boundaries…possibly the most terrifying of them all! It’s time to put my words into action and continue to create, despite the internal noise starving for attention.
Manageable Tips to Overcome Perfectionism
1. Set Realistic Goals - Start with smaller, more attainable goals instead of reaching for hard-to-achieve ones. Two of my current weekly goals are writing one blog and going to the gym three times a week. Holding myself accountable in a public forum might be feeding into my perfectionism a bit, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
2. Embrace Imperfection - This could mean signing up for a ceramic class, joining an intramural league (although this is my version of Hell on Earth, it might be worth exploring for you) or cooking a difficult meal. I recently joined Orange Theory and am SO FAR from the strongest one there. It’s not self-deprecation; it’s just a fact. However, every time I show up, I silence my inner critic, put in the work, and leave feeling (almost) unscathed. With each session, I feel myself getting physically and mentally stronger, slowly rewriting the negative narrative in my head.
3. Challenge Your Toxic, Perfectionist Thinking - This requires you to literally question the validity of your thoughts out loud. Are your expectations realistic, or are they setting you up for disappointment? If it's the latter, take a moment to readjust your mindset and set a more achievable goal. Trust me, your self-esteem will thank you in the long run.
Perfectionism is a double edged sword. When used in moderation, it can be quite beneficial. However, once you veer into the dark side, it can send you spiraling into madness.
