It’s Better To Be Single Than End Up With A F*ck Boy (Or Girl)

Whether it’s the pressure of bringing someone home for the holidays or making sure you have a partner to kiss as the clock strikes midnight on New Years, anxiety over being single hits harder this time of year.  Being the only single one within my immediate family made me think that there was something intrinsically wrong with me.  Well, something more wrong at least.  Thank you, I’ll be here all night! Even more so than alcohol (i.e. my last post), being in a relationship seems to be a give-in over the holidays.  In less than 5 months, I will be 30-fucking-years-old.  If this were the 60s, I would have most likely been married by now, probably twice if we’re being realistic.

 In 1962, 90% of 30-year olds were married.  Today, only around 50% of the population is married by 30.  While the number has dropped drastically, that’s still around half the population who are married by my age.  Then, if you add in the people who are in committed relationships but not technically married, then you are most definitely considered in the minority if you are single by 30.  You can see why women specifically, since we don’t have the luxury of time, are sensitive around this topic.

While I used to find solace in dodging my first marriage based on the high divorce rate in the country, the numbers have recently hit a record low.  This could mean that people are either happier than ever (good for them) or too broke to hire a lawyer.   Either way my cynicism scale sways, I’m still single and still dealing with the societal pressures I put on myself.  

I have never been overtly open about this, but I have never been in a serious relationship.  Call it the product of divorced parents or just a personality flaw, but for many, this is considered taboo.  It’s not that I haven’t wanted to be in a relationship, but now, I realize that I was the common denominator in my previous relationships not coming to fruition.  However, based on the low-bar contenders I’ve had in the past, I thank my lucky stars on this one.  Either way, I spent too many years on these shady mother fuckers constantly making up excuses for why none of them worked out. Especially to my therapist, who always saw right through my bullshit.  God bless that woman.

I realized that many people feel the need to be in a relationship to be considered happy.  But then, what happens after real-life shit comes up?  In the past, I 100% settled for men based on the assumption that having someone in any capacity was better than being alone. Even though these fellas came with some serious red flags that were as obvious as Tristan cheating on Khloe for the hundredth time, I looked past them since I was scared to be alone.   When in reality, I was more lonely than ever.

This post is in no way a dig to people who are in relationships.  If you found your soulmate, or even just a person you are happy and in love with, I think that is amazing and I truly wish you a lifetime of happiness. 

However, if you are single and stressing this holiday season, I am about to tell you why this can be the best and most transformative time in your life.  This post is made for the people who have dealt with fuck boys and girls.  There isn’t a female term quite as equivalent to “fuck boy”, but they are most definitely out there and we do not discriminate here. *** If there is one, let a bitch know and I will be sure to edit this post accordingly.

The Privilege of Being Selfish

Selfishness is often considered a bad thing, but to me, I find it to be a compliment.  When you don’t have anyone else to rely on, you can go where you want, see who you want, and do whatever the fuck you want without having to check-in or worry about what shady shit your S.O. is up to.  For much of my adult life, I have not had to answer to anyone but myself.  I only recently learned the power this holds. I have seen how being alone, when I put it to good use, has greatly improved my creativity, productivity and mental clarity.   There are actual studies that show the positive effect that solitude has on a person.  Maybe the grinch was onto something after all.

Without having someone to worry about, you can concentrate solely on yourself and get shit done without that incessant distraction and anxiety.  You can make every decision based on your wants and needs with no unwanted comments from the proverbial peanut gallery.   While at times you might feel lonely (which is a completely normal, FLEETING feeling and happens to literally everyone whether you are in a relationship or not), just be happy you don’t have a douchebag to answer to.  The freedom of living for yourself is boundless and pretty fucking exciting.

Confidence Booster

I remember this moment clearly.  I was at a party and the guy I was seeing told me how “hot” one of my friends looked right in front of me.  Meanwhile, he did not give me a compliment all night.  This is so cringe to say out loud because this guy was no show stopper himself by ANY MEANS.  Like, at all. This event still triggers me to this day since I continued to see him for a few months after this traumatizing event.  We live and we fucking learn, let me tell you. 

One thing I realized while being single (and not actively looking) is everything I do, I do for myself.  I dress how I want, I wear makeup (or not) how I want, and I post on social media whether it’s cringeworthy AF or not.   When I started to take the power out of the opinions of others (which is a daily struggle), my confidence and happiness skyrocketed.  I can’t say the same for my family and friends who have to be seen with me on my less “approachable” days, but my incredible personality makes up for it.

Relationships That Count

By focusing on myself and eliminating all the extra noise in my life, I now have much more time and energy to concentrate on my friendships and family that actually matter- who were there before and after all these failed flings.  I used to spend so much time worrying if Douchebag #1 would text me back or make sure my calendar was open just in case Momma’s Boy #2 was free that night to hang out.  It’s so embarrassing to say out loud but I know others can relate.  Please, someone else relate…

Without all that unnecessary bullshit, my calendar and headspace is much more free.  And the most important relationship, the one with myself- pardon me while I vomit- is in A+ shape.  It’s so fucking corny but so damn true.  If you don’t have your shit figured out, you can’t show up for anyone.   If, and when, I find the right person, they are going to have to be pretty fucking great to fit into my life.  I have finally realized my time is too valuable to spend it with someone only doing the bare minimum.

If you are single this holiday season and into the new year, I implore you to embrace the shit out of it.  As opposed to dreading this time of year and wishing you had a special someone to share it with, try to enjoy it with your family, friends, or just your damn self!  You never know when that special someone will walk into your life and give you the ultimate kiss of death…in-laws.