Ho-Ho-Hammered For The Holidays

Whether it’s age-old familial tension or Michael Bublé’s overly dramatic, bone-chilling rendition of Frosty The Snow infiltrating our airstreams the entire month of December, alcohol consumption has been shown to double over the holiday season. I’m not saying Michael is completely to blame, but he did do Frosty dirty with that version in my humble opinion. It seems like everywhere you turn, alcohol is being poured down your throat.   Our holiday schedules are filled with end-of-year parties with coworkers, dinner and cocktails with friends and champagne toasts on New Years.  If your holiday calendar is less social, it’s considered (somewhat) acceptable to finish an entire bottle of wine by yourself in order to forget about the loneliness this time of the year tends to stir up. 

If we’re being honest with ourselves, alcohol is very ingrained in our society whether it’s a big celebration or just another Tuesday night. While alcohol can be a good time in moderation, it can also be a toxic bitch who ruins a party by consuming one drink too many.   

Don’t get me wrong, I have had many epic nights with alcohol and memories that will last a lifetime.  However, I have also had terrible nights (and subsequent mornings) with no memory at all due to this same drug.  Alcohol, you sneaky whore.  I have, regrettably, wasted days due to being hungover and have done drunken antics that make me cringe just thinking about.  Yet, I seem to experience temporary amnesia and decide to willingly put myself at the mercy of this toxin time and time again.  I wonder if Einstein was referring to drinking when he said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

I have cut down a lot on my drinking since starting my wellness journey.  During the pandemic, I was drinking pretty much everyday and began to feel the physical and mental effects like fatigue, weight gain and brain fog.  I was always aware that long-term drinking could lead to serious diseases and health complications. However, I never considered it within the realm of possibility to affect me until MUCH later in life. 

It wasn’t until I was truly honest with myself and practiced the self-awareness that I always preach for me to realize that alcohol has indeed affected my physical health. I’ve had several alcohol-related injuries, both resulting in lacerations to my face.  One, requiring an ER visit, 9 stitches to my forehead and an embarrassingly unflattering haircut which I’m still trying to grow out… 7 years later.  Another event happened this year involving a possum, but that’s a story for a different day.   I realized I needed to reevaluate my relationship with alcohol because it was no longer aligned with the new goals I had set for myself.  

It is not lost on me the irony of having a wellness blog while also promoting alcohol in pictures and on my social media.  No matter how I try to rationalize it, alcohol is a toxin that poisons my body every time I consume it.  Well, there goes a sponsorship opportunity.  Alcohol is made with ethanol, a chemical component used to fuel cars.  Since ethanol, the main ingredient in alcohol, is metabolized through the liver, it literally affects every organ in the body.   For me, the image of drinking gasoline does make it a TAD less appealing for me, but somehow is not enough for me to give it up forever.  If you want to be more health-conscious with your drinking, the following are some tips to make you feel a little less guilty.

According to the CDC, binge drinking is considered 4 or more drinks in a single setting.  YIKES.  That used to be my pregame. 

One obvious, and easier said than done, tip is to cut down.  I know, groundbreaking.  Apparently, taking two days off from drinking after you consume alcohol helps your liver heal.  I know it’s tough, especially during the holidays, to turn down that glass of wine, but it’s also sometimes fun to witness the inevitable shit show through sober eyes knowing you aren’t involved in it.  

We’re all smart bitches here, so it goes without saying that fruity, sugary drinks, like pina coladas and daiquiris, are not doing you any favors in the health department.  I have found that the higher the sugar content of a drink, the shittier I feel in the morning.  If you’re looking for a “calorie-healthy” drink, clear, hard liquors such as vodka, gin and tequila contain the least amount of sugar and are easiest to metabolize.  My go-to vodka martini with a twist (if I stick to one) hasn’t betrayed me yet.

I used to love drinking wine and could, disturbingly, finish a bottle in one sitting.   However, I can’t drink more than one glass anymore without feeling hungover.   While some dietitians suggest red wine, specifically pinot noir and cabernet, has positive healthful properties when consumed in moderation, it has also been shown to cause worse hangovers due to the fermentation process. 

Since the research on wine is so inconsistent, it’s best to do your own taste test to figure out what wine works for you and which leaves you feeling like the Grim Reaper.

Now, let’s say that you’ve ignored all this advice and ordered two mai tais and a bottle of cabernet at dinner.  Chances are you will wake up with a splitting headache, full-body shakes and nausea so bad that your only relief is lying on the cool bathroom ground.  I’m sure that’s a trigger image for some, me included. 

This goes without saying, but make sure you hydrate before, during and after consuming alcohol.   Alcohol is a diuretic which means you are likely to become dehydrated as fuck if you indulge too heavily.  Instead of going for the Gatorade or Pedialyte filled with sugar and artificial ingredients (there goes another sponsorship opportunity), reach for electrolyte-rich liquids that will actually quench your thirst.  Feel free to reference my post on being a thirsty bitch as a reminder. 

Whether you overdid it one night on cocktails with friends or went on a week-long bender with Charlie Sheen, you are probably in need of a liver detox. Since alcohol is WIDELY consumed all across the world, “wellness” opportunists didn’t miss a beat creating liver detoxes of their own to capitalize on.  Unfortunately, many of these cleanses are not FDA approved and are often designed as weight loss programs which could end up being even worse for your health.

In the hope of not sounding like a broken record, there is no magic pill for wellness.  However, a really cool thing about your liver (as long as you are not Frank Gallagher) is that it has the ability to regenerate entirely on its own.  By limiting your alcohol intake, exercising, eating clean, and getting enough sleep, your liver can repair itself anywhere from a couple of days to a few months.  No matter how badly you beat up your liver during your younger years, there is still time to give it the facelift it deserves.