Follow Your Fckn Gut: The Diagnosis
In full transparency, the path to figuring out my gut issues has not been a fast OR cheap endeavor. I am still not 100% cured, even after investing thousands of dollars on testing and supplements. At the subtle annoyance of my doctor, I continue to question anything she advises that doesn’t feel right or work with me. As cliché as it sounds, no one is going to be a better advocate for your health than you. Obviously, don’t be an asshole, but do be persistent as fuck. Don’t be afraid to speak out when you are not completely satisfied with a certain result. Now, with all of that said, my overall lifestyle has improved so drastically that I trust this woman implicitly and would give her a kidney based on the results I have seen.
I’m about to give you the straight facts of the testing that was recommended to me and my ultimate diagnosis. Since every person’s body, history and genetics are vastly different, this will not work for everyone, which is why you should seek out a homeopathic doctor of your own if you wish to go down this path.
Testing is one of the most important components of the process since it shows you and your doctor exactly what’s going on within your body. It is also one of the biggest deal breakers for many due to the price. As I previously mentioned, none of the tests, supplements or visits associated with homeopathy are covered under insurance. I was so shocked by the cost at first that I thought she mistakenly added a zero to the receipt. She recommended that I take six different tests in order to figure out everything going on in my body-not just my gut. I took a comprehensive functional/nutritional test, a toxic non-metal chemical test, a glyphosate test, a hormone test, a food sensitivity test and a microbiome analysis kit for a whopping total of $2,800.
While I believe these tests were all important in connecting the pieces of the puzzle, I am not oblivious to the fact that $2,800 is a shit ton of money that might not be accessible for everyone. If that is the case or if you are still a little (understandably) skeptical of the results, then I would suggest starting with the comprehensive functional/nutritional test and microbiome analysis kit. My doctor would probably advise against this since it won’t give you the full picture of what’s going on, but the majority of my gut-related issues came up in these tests. It will cost between $700-$1,000, depending on the type you get. While it’s still expensive (and should be covered under insurance), it’s a lot less overwhelming than taking all six tests at once.
There has also been research suggesting that food sensitivity tests are not entirely accurate since they haven’t been scientifically proven to be effective. If you have the extra dough and are curious as to what foods you might be sensitive to, then I say go for it. But if not, then I would hold off since you can always get the test later down the line. I’m not saying these tests are a pyramid scheme, but they are definitely a little suspect.
I will eventually divulge the results of all my tests but in the hopes of not boring my few readers I have to death, I will only discuss the ones that were most impactful to my digestion issues.
Let’s start with the more common, yet still shocking, of the two: the functional and nutritional test. This showed that I was SO deficient in certain key nutrients and minerals that my doctor was shocked I didn’t suffer constant heart palpitations or “severe emotional distress patterns”. Note: this was obviously done BEFORE we dove into my mental health.
A few uplifting highlights from the functional and nutritional test:
Non-existent potassium levels- some symptoms of low potassium levels (or hypokalemia) are abnormal heart rates, kidney problems and, the kicker that keeps me up at night, muscle paralysis. (My sleep paralysis demons are QUIVERING right now.)
Very low vitamin A, C, E and lipoic acid- all of these are pretty fucking critical in the elimination of toxins which my body was doing a terrible job of doing on its own.
Below average magnesium levels- apparently this is fairly common and affects nearly 75% of the population but was still not helping me out by any means.
Very high lead and mercury levels- this is terrifying in itself. And has been financially devastating for my favorite sushi spot.
Next, let's move onto the microbiome analysis test. Quick side note- all these tests are done at home. Some were so complicated they should require a PHD, but this one was pretty straight forward.
So, let’s just cut to the chase. THEY FOUND 3 FUCKING PARASITES IN ME (one of which is linked to colon cancer); Blastocystis hominis, Cyclosporiasis, and Pentatrichomonas hominis. I’m not a scientist and this post is already pretty fucking long so just look them up if you want to learn more.
When I asked my doctor if this was normal, she quickly replied, “No. It’s highly concerning and disturbing.” My dissociation had taken over my body by this point which lessened the initial panic.
To make matters worse, the test showed very high levels for the bacteria, Proteus Mirabilis. This is a potential autoimmune trigger for Rheumatoid Arthritis, a chronic and debilitating disease. So you could say there was A LOT going on.
I still wasn’t completely confident that my doctor would be able to cure me based on the false hope I had experienced in the past. But I had gone this far and my hypochondria had convinced me I would die otherwise, so I figured “why the hell not?”.
I never thought I’d say these words out loud or in writing but this is where my “wellness journey” began. Wait, that’s even too basic for me. I’m going to call it my survival journey. I may eventually tone down the dramatics but, for now, I think it’s quite fitting.
Next Friday, my treatment plan will FINALLY be revealed.
